I want to be a professional memory maker
One of the hardest things about this blog is not making it 100% about Hamilton. I am not a fanatic, but I can understand those who are. You may remember that I watched it with the world's best view, and I came out upset about Hamilton's desire for legacy whilst forgetting his family.
It's the story of Phillip that hits me every time I listen to the soundtrack. Seeing as I am a writer, I spend a lot of time with a soundtrack on, and there is no better one at the moment than Hamilton. Not just that it's excellent music, but that it takes almost 3 hours of playtime. So I now understand the hype of Hamilton as Lin beautifully tells a story of this founding father in song. The story is immense, from a terrible upbringing to coming to New York and helping with the revolution. He was George Washington's right-hand man and commanded an army that helped win the war. He fell in love, got married and had a son - Philip.
I guess this is a spoiler warning for those who haven't watched it or haven't read up on that particular part of history.
Also tissue warning.
Now a young man, Philip tries to stand up for his father's honour and challenges George Eacker to a duel, hoping he would apologise.
Let's quickly chat about a duel - what an insane way to settle disputes. If you couldn't get someone to apologise or compromise, you would show how serious you were by challenging them to a duel. This signalled you were willing to die for what you believed, but more shockingly, that you were willing to take life. Philip was in a terrible position as Eacker was not backing down. Hamilton gave his son some advice.
He told him he could salvage his honour by not backing down and not taking another man's life. He would have to throw away his shot, believing Eacker, a man of honour, would do the same. But George Eacker showed himself not to be such a man, and after a minute of turning and waiting, he shot and struck Philip above his hip. Those who were with Philip at the time gave him the weirdest of compliments. Both sides said he showed 'exemplary poise and dignity'. He was rushed to his Aunt Angelica's house, to which she said, 'His conduct was extraordinary during this trial.'.
In the musical, they start the song 'Stay Alive - Reprise' where Philip, in his mother and father's arms, says his last words. After telling his father he did exactly what he said to do, he saw his mother. Looking into her eyes, he chooses to talk about the piano lessons she used to give him. He remembered how she placed her hands on his, and he gently laughed that he would always change the line. She then, willing him to continue to live, led him to recite his scales:
'Un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-huit-neuf'
He barely gets the words out, but he joins his mother's song.
'Un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-huit-neuf'
She wills him to continue
'Good Un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-huit-neuf'
He again joins her
'Un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six.........'
He never finishes that sentence.
Now I know this particular part of the story is probably fictional, but it hits me every time. In his short 19 years on this earth, in his most complex of challenges, it was that memory of playing the piano with his mother that gave him the strength to hold on even just for a moment more.
I am also a parent, and I don't know if I fully understand the total weight of that responsibility. I am not a perfect father, but the older I get, I realise that my children don't need me to be. It's guaranteed that I will fall short, that I will disappoint, that I won't always be able to help. I won't be able to prepare them for everything that life will throw at them, but I can do this. I can make memories. Memories of fun, memories of love, memories of games played and time spent together. Memories of fights and memories of forgiveness. Memories of a home of acceptance and belonging. Memories of vacations and holidays that are not about the destination but that it was shared together. Memories of good times and memories of the hard ones as well.
And when my time of making memories is up, I can rest easy that during my family's most challenging time, when they need help the most, when they are close to giving up - they will have these memories to remind them of this one truth: they are loved, always have been and always will be.
I promise the next post will be funny.